The Way a Family Functions

 Every family is different. Duh, right? Off the top of your head, you can probably think of dozens of different family dynamics within your community and family. In my case, I can think of several friends with parents that chose to separate--some of which now have step-parents and half-siblings, or only step-siblings, or maybe their biological mother/father stayed single. I can think of acquaintances that never knew their father, with a mother than never married. I can think of a close friend whose mother cohabits with a "close friend."

It's interesting to see how many different family dynamics and lifestyles exist. However, there are other factors to take into account when analyzing a family's way of life.

There are four theories that help in doing so--examining the way a family uniquely functions. We are going to discuss two of them. But before diving in, let's define and discuss what a theory is. Might as well brush up on your vocabulary while you're here. If you don't learn anything other than this, at least you've solidified your knowledge of the meaning of a theory.

Oxford Languages defines a theory (noun) as "a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something, especially one based on general principles independent of the thing to be explained" or "a set of principles on which the practice of an activity is based." To simply say it, a theory is an explanation of something.

The first theory we'll discuss is the "systems" theory. Think of a system. When I do, a heating system or the circulatory system comes to mind. A system is composed of parts that work together to achieve a unanimous end goal. A family does not thrive with only one person trying to hold it together. When every member of the family strives to benefit the group as a whole and strives to serve their family members, that's when the gears start to turn or the blood starts to pump. Think of it this way. The heart can't accomplish its end goal by itself. Yes, the heart may do the majority of the work in circulating blood throughout the body, but what if there were no arteries, veins, capillaries, etc? The hard work it does would be all for naught--pointlessly pumping blood with no vessels to deliver it to the brain or tips of your toes. Each component is its own thing with a unique ability, but it influences every other component of the system. Is this making sense? Each family member plays a role in the functioning family system. If one component is missing or doesn't function properly, the whole system can come to a halt, or fall apart altogether.

Second is the "exchange" theory. This one is fairly simple to understand. When someone does you a favor, they expect one in return, right? That's the essence of this theory. It's a cost/reward system. "Costs refer to such things as time, money, emotional or intellectual energy, or anything else that an individual defines as part of his or her investment in a relationship. Similarly, rewards include emotional or intellectual gratification, money, a sense of security, or anything else an individual defines as a satisfying outcome of a relationship. If a relationship consistently costs us more than it rewards us, we are likely to avoid the person or break the relationship" (Lauer & Lauer, 2011). But is this healthy? I'm sure you can figure that out on your own.

As you've probably deduced, these two theories have a heavy impact on the way families function. Of course, no two systems are the same and no exchange always involves the same goods. And of course, discovering the unique way a certain family functions isn't as easy as ABC, 123. There are so many factors that play into it. Over the next several weeks, I will continue to dive into what makes the gears of the family system turn.

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Thank you for reading!

-Katie

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