Don't Let the Word "Conflict" Scare You

 Conflict: it's just a part of life. Oxford Languages defines conflict as "a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one." If you're like me, you might have thought, "what the heck does 'protracted' mean?" (Honestly, I had no idea.) Protracted means "lasting for a long time or longer than expected or usual." So, what I'm getting from those definitions is that a conflict is a huge fight over an adulterous wife that lasts for six months. I must say, conflict is so much more than that.

As humans, we encounter conflict numerous times throughout our day... every single day. The verb version of conflict is to essentially "clash" or be "incompatible." I consider siblings not-so-reverently debating over who gets the last cookie to be an example of conflict. I consider a small argument over whose turn it is to load the dishwasher to be an example of conflict. I consider a child getting in trouble for not listening to his or her parents to be an example of conflict.

But don't forget--there are six different kinds of conflict. I'm sure we all learned about them in our high school English and Literature classes. Yes, these may be called the types of literary conflict, but they easily apply to the real world. First, character vs. self--internal conflict. Second, character vs. character. Third, character vs. nature. Fourth, character vs. supernatural (you probably won't see this much in real life). Fifth, character vs. technology. And lastly, character vs. society. Right now, off the top of my head, I can think of examples of each that I have experienced in my own life.

Character vs. self: dealing with anxiety, which has led me to constantly overthink every situation and doubt myself. Character vs. character: an argument with my best friend, who didn't like my other friends. Character vs. nature: getting caught in a storm while driving and having to pull over. Character vs. supernatural: receiving an unwanted answer to a prayer. Character vs. technology: wanting to throw my phone across the room when it wouldn't work properly. Character vs. society: having opinions and political views that are contrary to the mass opinion.

As I said earlier, conflict is something we experience every day and is something we will continue to experience every day for the rest of our lives. So, do not let the word scare you. If someone comes up to you and says, "we need to talk," don't run away screaming. I'm sure we all do it mentally, even if we don't do it physically. Interestingly enough, conflict is actually a healthy part of relationships. Spouses successfully working together through conflict can strengthen marriage on so many levels. Communication skills are built upon and trust is solidified even more.

Addressing conflict doesn't have to be a big scary event where you and your spouse meet each other in a dark alleyway and prepare to take the other down with just one punch. Okay--that's a bit of an exaggeration. But do you get what I'm trying to say? When confronting someone about an issue, be calm and polite, but not passive nor aggressive. Perhaps, calmly express that your needs are not being met or that the fact your partner doesn't put their laundry in the hamper really bothers you. Find a quiet moment where it's just the two of you. Don't attack them. Do not force them into a corner and beat them while they're down. That doesn't solve anything. Be slow to anger, kind, loving, and compassionate. When they acknowledge your frustrations, even if they're angry, be calm and kind in return. Paraphrase what they say to let them know you are truly listening to what they are telling you. When all is said and done, maybe go out for some ice cream or have a dance party to get rid of any bad juju that may have worked its way into the room.

And please, don't forget to never let conflict scare you.

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Thank you for reading!

-Katie

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